This Is Me

If you Google me, you will find page after page of what the Internet has declared as my “footprint.” Some of it I built myself; putting
each metaphorical brick together until it created something that was entirely my own.
Some of it is simply the shadow a person who
no longer exists. Some of it is made up of words that were said about me when I wasn’t around to defend myself.
But, in a way, all of it is me.
If you Google me you will find hundreds of thousands of words that I have written.
You will find stories that I sat down to pen without ever knowing that it would be accessible with simply the click of a trackpad,
the tap of a thumb on a smartphone. You will read the jokes that I chuckled out loud after
forming, and hear all of the ways I have
attempted to immortalize heartbreak. You
will find the struggle of building a brand that
is solely centered around my voice, even if
you have no point of reference for what that
voice audibly sounds like. But you will read
my words, and imagine the inflection that I
intended on a particular sentence, and at
least of part of you will think you understand a part of me.
Yet you don't.

If you Google me, you will see my heartbreak
splayed across your computer screen. You
will see my pleas to be loved and my
acceptance of change and my mourning of
people who are gone. You will read all about
the break ups and the failed attempts at
happiness and wonder if I’m really this
damaged, or if I simply have a flair for the
dramatic. You will form opinions based on
900 words of a lifetime of trying to love and
be loved and you will decide you know whose
side to take.
And I’ll wish it were that
simple for me, and wish I knew
who was right and wrong.
If you Google me, you’ll see over ten plus
pages of my history. You’ll see the things I
had control over like scholarships, and dotcoms, and comments I should have kept to
myself. You’ll also see the things that I didn’t
do but my name was attached to like blogs
I’m unaffiliated with, comments from people
with nothing better to do, and work I no
longer identify with. You’ll see building
blocks leading to a complete person, and
you’ll come up with an idea of who you would
find on the other side of the computer screen.
And, in a way, all of it is me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Honda Fit

Honda Fit I know a girl who gives me palpitations of a higher magnitude Whenever she walks by, my earth quakes, I guess she sends signals through millibars Her face is a universe, eyes like thrilling stars And the feeling starts.... I call her Rover, she comes from an exotic Range Curves like vines, poisonous hips I bet roses smell bitter compared to her scrumptious lips Girl is shaped like a Coca-Cola bottle Turning a blind eye that she's empty when the sweetness is gone She's the type of girl all the boys wanna smash A Coca-Cola bottle on 7.8millibars, they have dropped her, luckily she never smashed She has turned into a port where boys park their genitals She lost herself, trying to please friends Following trends She plays the bitching part in the ends Caring about designer clothes Focusing on who's hot and got the best flows She likes making noise, like an empty can If she was a mother, I'm sure she'd be packing tins of empty Nan They call ...
Read more

From Values To Virtues

Yesterday I was watching a certain episode . The sister said I don't believe in values. And everyone was like what? Then what she shared was very profound. Values are based on outside - like religion, culture, environment - and it is an acquired sanskara . But virtues are divine qualities of the supreme soul which we ought to imbibe. The supreme soul is happy, loving, peaceful, blissful, compassionate, ocean of knowledge, kindness whereas values could be very related to material world or like a protocol - we are so and so religion or caste and our value is to eat this or not eat this or marry like this or not marry like this etc. Coming to marriage, we have been in this institute forever and somehow it is now so wrong more than ever before in terms of its approach, its expected outcomes and hence the very foundation of this institute is shaking. In today's world we are trying to fill our happiness from each other rather than filling ourselves with happiness ...
Read more

This Is How You Lose Her

Its the blue ticks you send towards hee when too busy to tell her that at least "you busy" It's the short calls when she wants to talk to you longer It’s the texts you answer at your convenience. It’s the snaps you look at then put down your phone. Its putting friends first before her. It’s every like when you’re bored because you’re wondering what she’s up to. It’s every canceled plan when something better comes along. It’s the attention you give that’s the bare minimum. But she takes it. Yeah she takes it Because at least for that moment, she has your time and attention when she’s always given you all of hers. It’s every surprise you take for granted. Even though, she thought a lot about it for a while. It’s not caring enough to even consider reciprocating those things. It’s the favor if you need one, that always goes answered every time. Even though she’d never ask the same. It...
Read more